July 27, 2009

This illness has been good for me.

I received a bugbite while in Costa Rica, which infected my knee thoroughly. I went to the doctor Monday, got some medicine, thought I’d be fine. Then, Friday morning, I woke up with a fever and knew I had to go back to the doctor.

I hate doctors. Not that I hate them personally, but I’m the girl who has been bitten multiple times by spiders and has never even flinched (I mean, if I saw them while they were biting me, that’d be a different story). Instead of bouncing back as normal, I went home, took my medicine obediently (including a malaria pill and an extreme antibiotic) and tried to sleep. That’s when all the vomiting started. I knew I should probably call someone, that I probably needed to, but even though my phone was right beside me, even a text message seemed way too difficult.

The weekend was filled with cancelled activities and extreme fever (thankfully, tempered a little by medicine). I have never seen my face so red in all my life! It scared me to be quite honest. One of the effects of the antibiotic is irrational fear. I really thought I had malaria, really thought that I was dying. Oh man, but what makes this illness great was that a few things hit my spirit that really made me rejoice.

1) Friday night, I thought, “If I die, at least I’m dying loving Jesus.” I love that when pressed, this was a thought I actually had. I LOVE Jesus. Rather than become resentful, thinking God had made me sick, I was able even to sing some to Him this weekend. I read the book of Job in its entirety; I’ve listened to a few sermons. Having spiritual motivation when there is so much I don’t feel like doing is totally from God’s mercy and energy. It let me know that if all I had was Him, that’d be enough.

2) The verse Acts 17:28 came to mind, “In Him, we live and move and have our being.” I cannot do ANYTHING, even stand, without God giving me the ability and breath of life to do so. Makes me respect and fear God more (and of course, appreciate my abilities all the more when I’m healthy). Everyday is worth being thankful for.

3) Satan hates me. We all know John 10:10–“the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10), but it has never been more clear to me that Satan actually wants to KILL me. Satan wants to destroy every good thing God did in Costa Rica. Satan wants me to think, “You’re not going to make it to Scotland.” While yes, there are physical illnesses that happen for a reason, this attack is clearly spiritual. Satan has been trying to discourage me starting the moment I decided to give my life to missions for however long the Lord leads. I have grabbed my Bible and started praying in faith. I’m glad to have the Word stored up in me for times like these. “Haha, Satan. I’m at home again all day today. Going to listen to a few more sermons, going to read a lot more Bible, going to pray.”

4) I am so thankful for my roommate. She has made a few store runs for me, comforted me, sang over me, prayed for me. I pray everyone gets to have a roommate like her at some point in his/her life. I am thankful for all those who have prayed; the victory over this illness (still not entire – keep praying!) is shared with at least 10 or so others who have prayed and encouraged me.

Thank God!